Palmistry.

You sing that you dont know your future.
That your palms are rubbed smooth by the wind.
That carries your life like a wave on the ocean.
Without a beginning or end.

So give me your hand.
And I will be your tomorrow.
I won't bother reading the lines.
Let me be the sky and the land.
I will lead and you follow.
A story no reader can find.

And we will touch rivers of lives and water.
Build memmories sour and sweet.
Feel the soft and rough of this love of ours.
Until we rub our eyes ready for sleep.

And I will return your hand after a lifetime.
And after years you will see your palms.
See the memmories and love in valleys and lines.
And drown them in tears till you rest in his arms.

Color blind

Being alive isnt breathing.
But being able to feel breath on skin.
And the cold push of the wind.

Not breathing but taking in the fragrance.
Of saffron at your homes entrance.
Or your parents scent in an embrace.

Living is seeing more than the path.
But the colors of flowers and art.
Painted on the sky and earth.

But we are color blind and tone deaf.
Our minds so worried theres' nothing left.
To hear lifes song and swim loves waves.
Before our requiem calls us to feel our graves.

Seasoning the seasons

It starts with water that greats the air.
Milk and sweat in our mothers care.
Plucked from our lips far too soon.
Saffron and mint to cool the wounds.

Cloves to chew to clean the teeth.
Of curries chilies and basil sweet.
As curry leaves and pepper.
Mustard and coriander.
Add fervor and flavor.
Heat and fever.

Cinnamon and sugar.
Honey and nectar.
Lemon and ginger.
In tea and coffee as we watch the years.

And then Myrrh and salt when our end is here.

Home.

Cross the dark unfamiliar heavens, to run my hands through dark familiar hair.
Cross the ever changing oceans, to see that ever constant stare.
Encase all my own earthly belongings, leave all I've ever loved and known.
To embrace the one for whom I'm longing,to be abroad but finally home.

Apocalypse

And frost once said the world would end in fire, I have a contradicting theory...
Plotting the race to fulfill our desires, will bring an end to you and me.
Only when love surrenders and lust is crowned, befriending becomes networking.
Charitable hand held up only holds you down, and raising becomes parental appraising.
And romance becomes light to get into someones' pants for a night,
Love replaced by mammon and commercialism will make us lists.
You stop being human, start being an individual and cease to exist.
Pity fire won't kill us for fire would be a kinder way to go.
Seared with desire and lust till we're not human anymore.
End? The end is only a beginning.. for those alive whose love forsakes living.

Hands of soft selfishness.
Ever gorgeous face of anarchy.
Luscious words to worship myself, I and me.
Lips for sale stale and meaningless.

Oh we'll taste those poisoned lips.
Never knowing we sip of the apocalypse.

Ever overcome by what we've undergone through history.
Accepting that we're doomed to repeat it.
Repeatedly indulging in what is seemingly free.
Then the cost will be death's profit.
Hearts to selfishness will bend... Heralding the end.

Vicious Silence.

When there's weakness and soul less-ness.
When there is innocence only just less than the mess.
When it's claimed blessed by the maimed and the less.
The least are silenced and your unwillingness.
Your laziness and arrogance in saying it's for the best.
There is nothing more and nothing less I can do for this...
Person born to bleed like us need like us feed like us.
Born to live like us, laugh like us, live a life that's just.
But we claim innocence, turn a deaf ear to God's wishes.
A deaf ear to their pain endless, their life's hopeless.
Their need for help, but yes! Their death in all inevitable-ness comes.
But that is no reason to act deaf and dumb.
Don't they hear our laughs? see our hopes?
Will they ignore us, our cries, as our soul finally dies?
We live a life of indulgence and lose the humanity that is precious.
That's when our silence is vicious, to others and us.

The bridal dance.

Here's to the brilliant dance.
This thing between us.
That leaves me entranced clumsy, and stumbling to keep pace.
Circling behind your calm, hypnotic, grace.

Moving to one rhythm,
One beat, claps ringing.
To the music's whim.
On bare feet, to your singing, your clapping.
With bare hands reaching.
Bare hearts on our shoulders.
Circling and longing.
For the song to bring us closer.

For the rhythm of life to change to a waltz.
So I can fall into your arms.
And listen to the worlds' white noise and faults.
To fall silent to your charms.

Till all I hear is your heartbeat.
Your breath.
And I your bride in death.
Am by your side,
Finally alive and complete.

Contrary Contradictions.

If you haven't almost died.
You've never really lived.
If you've never cried.
You've never forgiven.

If you've never broken your heart.
You've never loved.
If you've never fallen apart,
Then your still up above.

Playing it safe.
Not really alive.
A puppet, a slave.
You just survive.

But if you never slipped.
You could never stand.
If you never stumbled.
You'd have never walked.
If you never failed to understand.
You'd have never stuttered,
Never talked.

So make your own mistakes.
Try the unknown stakes.
Play hard for the win.
Sacrifice the board for your king.

Challenge the records of fate.
The failures reward is faith.
Because as long as we can strive for what we have not seen.
We may be wrong but we're alive in our love and longing.

And when we leave this plane.
Even if the world forgets,
Our failures, faces, our names.
We face our maker with no regrets.

Rain

The shadows slide over the sun.

The silver linings turn to grey.

The light of day comes undone.

The cold wind turns to rain.

No lightning scars the heavens.

No rumble of thunder.

Nothing but the cold earths summons.

Nothing but the rains whisper.

Lost in the cold embrace.

Tossed by the wind no more.

Discarding realities embrace.

I cross onto memories shore.

Lost in the wind. Soaked to the skin.

Every sense muted to the air.

It's you I feel, Tangible real.

Your presence. right there.

The thunder rolls, the illusion folds.

My eyes open, from lies awoken.

Your gone.

A new rain falls, a new pain calls.

My face stained, my heart maimed.

But It just Rains on...

Surrendering.

Surrender my hopes to the gallows.
Untie my dreams to the wind.
Renounce the Idols I follow.
Relinquish my all to my king.
Enough of this futile existence.
Nothing else from this life will I claim.
Death will come as I drop my resistance.
Emptiness will be my claim to fame.
Release your spirit within me.
Indwell the void make it whole.
Now father let my life be for your glory.
God to you I surrender control.

Galatians 2:20
How Paul could say this with so much confidence I will never understand... He literally let himself cease to exist, to the point he could say, I no longer live Christ lives in me... I wonder if there are moments when I surrender my life only to reclaim it again when the work or the task at hand is completed by God. I wonder if I take my yoke when I need Christ to carry me through, and lay it down when I've fulfilled 'what is required of me'.

I had one of those moments last Thursday... I was speaking to a friend about why some people seem more endowed with the gifts of the spirit than others and God seemed to be speaking through me, cause what I said was not a part of any knowledge I had, but as this thought came to me, I felt the pride well up inside me and before I knew it, I had interrupted the Spirit of God. I was dumbfounded. speechless. and as I sat there having paused mid sentence talking to my fried, (he looked expectantly at me while I pondered all of this), two things dawned on me, and God impressed one thing on my Heart.

I knew for the first time that YES!!! God can speak through me, And I realized that the only thing preventing Him from using me was myself and the parts of my heart and consciousness that are not surrendered to Him. God impressed on my heart the sadness of the moment though... 'The moment passed Nilan, you took controll back'

What if I stayed surrendered to him a moment longer, what if I never took back controll? Would my friends doubts finally be laid to rest? Would my own? The sad things is I will never know... But I did learn something from the experience... I never in my life have wanted more to merge those moments of surrender when he ministers and uses me into a life that embraces the cross than I do now. But until I lay down this broken crown of pride and pick up my cross, I will never know what could be.

And who knows maybe it's not a case of a moment maybe that moment is right now, maybe rather than all those moments growing and merging into a life of death, that is surrendered to Christ, and knowing that it is thus. Maybe it's simply a case of knowing that he is in me and choosing to obey him until it becomes second nature and before I know it He is in control, He becomes first nature, the Spirit renews my mind, And I am transformed in death into Him. Living on as a living sacrifice. (Romans 12:1)